


Understanding.

by CasualWinchester



Series: Crush [4]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Boys In Love, Coming Out, F/F, F/M, Falling In Love, Family, Fluff, M/M, Past Abuse, Protective Isabelle Lightwood, Protective Jace Wayland, Secrets, Supportive Magnus Bane, Surprisingly supportive Raphael Santiago, Touch-Starved, friends - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-24
Updated: 2016-11-24
Packaged: 2018-09-01 22:48:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,224
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8641177
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CasualWinchester/pseuds/CasualWinchester
Summary: Alec deals with his family and friends finding out about his secrets. He also tries to catch up to how fast he is falling for Magnus Bane.





	

**Understanding.**

**Alec:**

The silence after Magnus's confession seemed to last forever. No one even dared to breathe and I couldn't move from where I hid my face in his shoulder. The only thing that calms me down is the pressure of Magnus's hand softly running through my hair.

Suddenly a small whimper breaks through the silence in the room. I move my head just slightly to see that it came from Isabelle. She currently had her hands over her mouth and silent tears were falling down her face.

"Did- did he do this to you?" Jace whispers out. He is behind me suddenly so with a determined push, I remove myself from the comfort that Magnus brings me. I turn to face both of my siblings, their faces crush me in ways I didn't think I could be.

I almost didn't want to tell them the rest, to let them know how badly I was messed up and how I had been hiding it from them. I know Jace is going to do something stupid if I don't break the news to him gently. I don't know what Isabelle will do.

"Yes...he wasn't happy with the amount of work I had done this week, he paid me a visit today and...threatened me." I admit. Jace's eyes flash in anger whilst Isabelle almost growls. She looks angrier than she ever has ever been before, despite the tears running down her cheeks.

"How long has he been doing this Alec?" Isabelle speaks through clenched teeth. I have to admit that I am slightly afraid of her and what she could do. I don't want anyone to get hurt because of me. Sure I want to make sure that my father doesn't hurt anyone else but I don't want my mother to find out what he has been doing behind her back all these years. I don't think she could handle that after almost loosing Max last year. And I don't want Max to lose his father, no matter how horrible of a man he is. Max loves Dad and I would hate for him to go through this. But I know if I don't do something now, it could lead to another one of my siblings doing something he doesn't like. I would hate it if it was my fault that Max was hurt.

"Isabell-" I start but she steps forward and holds up a warning finger. I flinch slightly as I notice that she has the same fierce look in her eyes that Dad possesses whenever he is angry. Magnus steps forward then and takes my hand in comfort.

"Isabelle. Careful, this is hard on him so please try to refrain from making it any harder on him." Magnus warns her. She looks over at him before she realizes what she is doing. She whimpers again before snaking her arms around my waist. I use my free hand to hug her back because I am not ready to let go of Magnus just yet. His presence is making this easier than I would have ever expected.

"It's okay Izzy." I say before taking a deep breath. "He's been doing it ever since he found out I was gay, so I would say about eleven or twelve years." I say as answer to her question.

"That's horrible," Catarina's face is flushed red in anger. "Is that the first person you came out to? Is that why you waited so long to tell anybody else?" She asks then motions to everyone in the room. I shake my head before flicking my eyes over to Jace who was currently staring at the floor whilst his hands clutched into fists at my side.

"He found out I had a crush on someone... he called me horrible things and said that the person I had a crush on would think I was disgusting and such other stuff." I say and this makes Isabelle hold me tighter, she is shaking her head slightly. "That's what made me refrain from coming out, I believed what he said and I feared that everyone would feel the same."

"Never! Alec we would never think that!" Clary pipes up then gives me a weird look. "If you don't mind me asking...who was it?" Simon and Catarina, who were the closest to her, both give her looks that just begs her to shut up.

"It's okay," I say pointedly to both Simon and Catarina before turning back to Clary, ready to tell her who it was. Everyone leans in slightly closer to hear. Everyone but the man himself. "It was uh... it was- Jace." I whisper the last part, hoping they wouldn't actually hear who I said. But considering Isabelle, Magnus and Jace were right next to me they all heard.

"What?" There is anger laced in Jace's voice when he speaks and it makes me tremble slightly, getting ready for him to hate me. "You had a crush on me?"

"Yeah... I'm sorry." I say suddenly and It shocks everyone. I pull back from both Isabelle and Magnus so I am able to look Jace straight on. I can face up to whatever he wants to do to me. Whether that is to punch or kick me. I don't care, I'm just ready for it whenever he is ready. "I know you might find it gross considering we're now basically brothers and I wouldn't judge you-"

Jace is suddenly hugging me. Pulling me so closely to him that I begin to find it hard to breathe. I wasn't expecting a hug at the end of this. Sure I was ready to be hurt but I was not ready for a hug. I can't say that I'm not glad that he is hugging me and that he isn't mad. I just expected him to be a little weird about it all.

"I would never think that Alec, you are my brother and I love you no matter what." Jace pulls back slightly to look at me. "Never ever listen to what that man says ever again, Okay?" Jace shakes me slightly as if begging me to get the point.

"I won't..." I say around the shock that I am feeling.

"Good, now I have to go deal with that piece of shit you have for a father-" Jace is about to turn to leave when I stop him.

"Please! Not now... please can we just wait until tomorrow?" I ask everyone in the room. "I would like just one night of normalcy... I want to be able to be myself for one night before all of the shit that comes with Dad get's even worse?" Everyone is silent again, I can tell no one is happy about the suggestion.

"I think that is a wonderful idea Alexander and just what the doctor ordered." Magnus sends a glare to the rest of the group before taking my hand again and leading me over to the sofa in the middle of the room. "Who's making dinner?" He asks in a way of getting everyone else to move and do something other than stare in anger.

"That would be Clary and I." Raphael motions to Clary then tries to smile at me in a friendly way. "Would you like to help, we could use an extra pair of hands?" He proceeds to ask, there is an understanding look in his eyes. I remember Magnus mentioning that Raphael's mother was the one who took him in after he had trouble with his step-father so Raphael must have an understanding of what he is doing right now. Honestly cooking sounds like the most normal thing I could do right now so I will jump at the chance to do it.

"I would love to." I say before smiling a grateful smile at him. I notice Magnus does the same thing and mouths a silent "thank you." to him before letting go of my hand.

"Let's just hope that Isabelle is the only one in your family who can't cook." Magnus jokes and that seems to snap Isabelle out of the daze she has been in.

"Hey! that's enough Bane, you know I can cook better than you." Isabelle argues which makes several other people scoff.

"You are only saying that because you have never tried my cooking Dear, but for now I will let you have that title." Magnus winks at her. Clary moves over to me and hesitantly holds out a hand.

"Coming Alec? Before we get yanked into this argument?" She smiles brightly and I smile back at her before taking her hand. I let go of Magnus's as I stand up and I have to admit that I miss the feel of it. I shouldn't be this gone with the man after only knowing him for just over a week but I know that is he is going to be around for whenever everything goes to shit. I know I am going to be okay. He just makes me feel better and makes me feel safer than I have felt in over ten years. I don't think I would've ever told anyone about my father or my sexuality if it weren't for him.

"Please try to not poison us Darling, leave that to your sister." Magnus calls as Clary and I enter the surprisingly large kitchen. The kitchen rests in another room just off of the living room so as soon as we are in it Clary locks the door so we don't have to hear anything from the other side. It opens a couple of moments later when Raphael and Simon tumble in. Before the door swings shut I can hear that there is now a full blown argument about how to boil going on in the next room.

It makes Clary and I laugh before we go back to what we were doing before. Raphael and Simon are on the other side of the kitchen chopping vegetables and talking to each other in a way only couples could.

I hate it but I am beginning to feel a little jealous of what they have. I never had anything like that and I haven't really been around anyone else that was gay. that I knew of. It was different seeing Simon like this. I don't know how I ever managed to see him in a relationship with Isabelle when I now see him so happy with someone else.

I wonder now that I am out if I will ever have anything like that. I know that something might be happening with Magnus but I have no idea where that is going to go and if it is going anywhere anyway. I still don't know what is going on with Camille. What if Magnus forgives her for what she did. She seems sneaky enough to get herself out of something like this. But then again he did say that when I came along, everything changed so maybe at some point in time he and I can have what Simon and Raphael have.

With that hopeful thought in mind I go back to helping out Clary.

______________________________________________________________________________________________

  
It seemed like the conversation had changed by the time we had finished dinner. When we begin to take the food out to the living room I can see that Catarina, Lydia and Ragnor are having a pleasant conversation over by the window that looks out onto the night scenery.

Magnus is sitting on an armchair and he looks almost surrounded By Isabelle and Jace. He looks a little flustered but I can tell he is trying to keep his cool around them. I have no idea what they are saying to him but I can tell that it is not going to be good. I place a plate of potato's onto the table before shooting a look at Clary. She shakes her head and rolls her eyes at the two of them before motioning for me to go over and get him out of there.

I do as I was told. As I got closer I could hear Isabelle giving Magnus some sort of warning but it doesn't look like he is listening to her because he is currently shooting me a look that begs me to help him.

"What's going on?" I ask as I come up behind them.

"Oh, nothing." Isabelle hums before leaning her head on Jace's shoulder. The look on Magnus's face shows that it was not in fact nothing, it was most definitely something. "Dinner ready?" She asks casually.

"Yeah, Clary and Simon are setting things up now." I motion over to the table. I see that almost everyone has already taken their seats at the table. Clary was busy hitting Simon and Raphael with a napkin, they were getting too touchy feely for her liking so she must have taken it as her job to stop them.

"Good, I'm starving and you must be too with how long you worked today." Isabelle stands, pulling Jace with her. "Magnus, I trust you to tend to my brother." Isabelle tosses her hair over her shoulder and shoots me a wink. Having Isabelle on to me just makes the whole situation with Magnus just that little bit more weird.

Is something bad happens with us then she will know and blame Magnus even if it wasn't his fault. And if this whole thing goes well then she will be all in my business. I feel like that is going to happen more and more now that she knows I am really good at keeping secrets from people. She's never going to let anything go until she is happy and I've told the truth.

"Shall we?" Magnus. He has regained his confidence now that he is no longer in that situation with my siblings, I would be uncomfortable. I am uncomfortable for him. I smile at him in agreement and once again he has taken my hand. So far Magnus has been the only one to really get on board with the physical contact thing. I can understand why others wouldn't like it considering Isabelle and Jace have lived with me being like that for years and everyone else has been told not to touch me ever since we met. Only Magnus understands how much I need it. Raphael almost understands but he doesn't understand the way Magnus does.

We get to the table and I find that they have saved seats for us in the middle of the table. We both sit next to each other, neither of us letting go of each other's hands as we sit. I notice Clary give us a small smile as if she just knows. I guess it's pretty obvious that I have grown closer to Magnus over everyone else so I shouldn't be surprised that they all know what is happening.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________

  
Dinner turns out to be exactly what I needed to distract myself from everything that is going on. Everyone knows not to bring it up and they are very good at making sure I was happy. The food was not half bad considering some of it was made by a man with a cast on one arm.

It was only when Jace had one to many drinks that he brought up something.

"So, Alec. I hate to ask you but where are you going to stay? because like hell am I letting you go back home." He slurs slightly before realizing what he asked. The table is silent suddenly and people start either shooting murderous looks at Jace or concerned ones for me.

"Jace you can't just-" Isabelle starts to scold him but surprisingly Magnus cuts her off.

"He'll stay with Raphael and I, we have enough room for him." Magnus states before turning to me. "Only if that's okay with you?" He asks, eyebrows raising over his strange but beautiful green-gold eyes. I try not to stare at them too long, even though I really want to. There is just something very hypnotic to them that makes me never want to look away. I know I have to though because everyone else is looking at me.

"That's- I would like that... thank you." I say after staying silent for too long. "I just need my things... there isn't much but-" Jace cuts me off.

"We'll get them for you." He promises then leans over to pat my hand. His eyes look troubled, almost like he is about to cry. When he speaks I can tell he has been holding this in, sounding a little scared to say them. "I'm sorry... that he did this to you because of me." His voice is almost a whisper.

I stare at him, my mouth going slack in shock. How could he think this was my fault. He didn't ask me to get a crush on him! He shouldn't be feeling like that because eleven year old me had a crush on him because he was the only male in my life at the time.

"Jace- don't be stupid, this wasn't your fault at all! You didn't tell me to be gay or to have these feelings. It was a preteen me who thought any guy that I found attractive was someone that I would have to like." I say, a little bit on anger lacing my words making them stronger and hopefully they make it clear to him that I don't blame him for any of this.

"I know I didn't make you gay Alec but I can't help but feel slightly guilty that I was the reason your father abused you for years." Jace states and the way he says it so bluntly makes my stomach coil in the same way it does when I am about to throw up. I think that's exactly what I am going to do. The weight of everything that is going on is now catching up to me.

Magnus notices this because in the next moment he has pulled me up from my seat and is leading me into another room. I barely register that this room must be Magnus's bedroom because seconds later I am in his on suite bathroom. I just have enough time to fall to the floor in front of the toilet before I empty everything from my stomach.

Magnus kneels down behind me and rubs my back whilst I continue to throw up.

"It's okay Alexander, I have you." He soothes gently until I was done. After that he goes to the bathroom cabinet above his sink and pulls out a brand new toothbrush. Why he has a new toothbrush I don't know. "It's lucky I always keep a spare." That answers that question. He hands the brush to me after applying some toothpaste onto it.

"Thank you," I accept the toothbrush from him before scrubbing out the vile taste in my mouth.

"Do you want to spend the night here?" Magnus asks before gently pushing a strand of hair out of my face. "I know it might be a little rushed but you look like you need to sleep." He is still respecting my boundaries even though I told him that I basically want him to break them.

I can only manage a nod around the toothpaste in my mouth. He smiles before helping me up and over to the sink. "I will find you something to wear." Magnus vanishes from the room. From where I am I can hear him rummaging around for clothes then the sound of fabric hitting fabric. After that I hear nothing else so I am guessing Magnus left the room.

I quickly finish brushing my teeth before going back into Magnus's bedroom. The place is very...Magnus. That is the only way I could describe the bright coloured fabrics lying everywhere, books filled with drawings and designs, a slightly beat up mannequin in the corner, make up on literally every single surface it can be, and lastly the large extravagant bed. A pair of sweats and a shirt rest on the bed waiting for me, I am surprised they would even fit me considering I am taller than Magnus. He must of bought the sweats and shirt a size too big because they fit me almost like a glove.

I was just about to pull the shirt over my head when Magnus wanders back into the room. He stops dead when he see's the state I am in. He is clearly taken off guard and I know this by the blush that creeps up his face. "Oh," he whispers before finally looking up from my naked torso. "Oh, uh Alexander I'm sorry I should've knocked." He turns around and busies himself shutting the door. As he does that I pull the shirt down to avoid any more embarrassment for the both of us.

"How are you feeling?" Magnus asks as he slowly turns around, as if he was testing to see if I was clothed now. I lean down to pick up my clothes before answering him.

"Honestly, I don't know." I answer as I sit heavily down onto the bed. "I feel like I should be scared or worried, sure I am worried about what is going to happen now but is it normal to feel this way?" I ask.

"What way do you feel Alexander?" He comes over to sit next to me, as he doe he pulls out my old shirt from my hands and begins folding it neatly for me.

"Like I shouldn't be this comfortable around someone I just met, especially after all these years dealing with my father and all he has done to me." I turn to look at Magnus who is looking at me with complete understanding in his eyes.

"Alexander, nothing can be normal when it comes to dealing with this. Everyone deals with it in certain ways because everyone is unique." He takes hold of one of my hands. "You just tend to find comfort in your friends and family that's all, and maybe you find specific comfort in me because I understand what you are dealing with." His thumb is stroking soothing circles on the back of my hand.

"It's just strange Magnus, I don't know how to deal with it and I don't want to constantly ask too much of you especially when you have school to worry about and-" A soft finger presses against my lips, stopping my rambling. I look down at Magnus's finger before looking back up into his eyes.

"You could never ask too much of me," he states this so calmly that it makes my stomach do flips. "I want to help you Alexander. I told you that you unlocked something in me and I meant that. I don't want to see you in pain anymore and if I can help you feel good then I would do it in a heartbeat." He rests his hand on my cheek which is now probably bright red. I'm not used to this sort of thing but I kind of don't want it to stop, as long as it is from Magnus.

"You are too good for me." I whisper softly before something flashes in his eyes.

"I never want you to say that again. No one is too good for you." Magnus states. "You are too good for everyone else. You are selfless and brave and so strong that I can hardly understand it." He uses his thumb to stroke my cheekbone. "I have never met anyone like you." He finishes then waits for me to say something. I honestly don't think I could come up with a reply to that. But apparently my mouth had other idea's-

"I have never met someone like you either, you are sort of perfect." I say without really thinking. I immediately blush at my bold statement. I shouldn't have said that, now he is going to be scared off. That's not something you say to someone who is basically a stranger to you.

"Why thank you Alexander, although I highly doubt that to be true." He winks at me, "I guess you're sort of perfect too." He pushes a strand of hair from my face then motions to the bed. "Why don't you get some sleep and I deal with that lot out there?" He suggests and it suddenly sounds like the most amazing idea in the world.

Magnus seems to sense that I am up for the idea because in the next second he is pulling back the blankets then removes the rest of my clothes from my arms. I crawl further onto the soft bed, it's so much more comfortable then my bed back home. I sink into the mattress as he allows the blankets to fall over my body.

"Sleep well Alexander, you deserve it." He strokes my cheek before going out of the room, turning the lights off and leaving the room.

I feel slightly childish in the way Magnus put me to bed, but it also feels amazing that for once someone is looking after me. I'm the one who is always looking after everyone else, so to have someone to look after me for once is amazing.

Magnus Bane is amazing. 


End file.
